I haven’t written anything lately because I’ve been pretty sad. My daughters are going to have their birthdays in the next two weeks, and I won’t be there with them to celebrate their lives.
When I was growing up, my parents hated me, and they never celebrated my birthday. When my children were born, they changed my life for the better, and they were SO special. So I promised them that every year, we would have a big celebration on their birthdays to celebrate their presence in this world and to remind them how special, unique, and talented they truly are. So birthdays were always a huge deal for us.
Their father doesn’t believe in celebrating birthdays. He only celebrates two holidays a year - the end of Ramadan and Mohammed’s birthday. So my children look to me when their birthdays come around. I always decorate the house and yard, give them a party with a pinata and games and gifts, and we sit and watch old home videos and talk about how wonderful they are and I remind them that they can do and become anything they want.
I call my kids every week, and my middle daughter will turn 10 on Aug. 31. All she can talk about is her birthday. She is eagerly awaiting for me to send her some gifts. She knows her father won’t celebrate her birthday and that there will be no cake, no party - no nothing. But she’s excited about getting some birthday gifts from her mom.
I’m trying my hardest to come up with the money to get her and her sister some gifts and send them, but I don’t have enough money right now. So, I’ve been really sad. They have no mother and they hate being where they’re at. All they have to look forward to is seeing me again (when I call, they all ask repeatedly, “When are you coming, Mama?”), and their birthday gifts that I send to them. Of course, depending on his mood at the time, there’s no guarantee that he’ll even let them have what I send them. Last time I sent gifts, he didn’t tell them that I sent anything, and he gave everything away without giving it to them. He told me not to ever send anything to them, because he won’t give it to them. But that all depends on what mood he’s in at the time. Regardless of what he does or doesn’t do, I’m their mother and I will continue to do my best for my kids.
So anyway, I’m going to get back to writing every day here. I’m back from my hiatus.
To all you parents - celebrate your children, and let them know how much you love them! I wish I could…..
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